PLATFORM SMOKING

A woman was this week thrown on to a railway track. Apparently she accosted two men who were smoking on a station platform in spite of notices saying smoking was forbidden. They threw her on the track and she was fortunate that other passengers got her back with only minor cuts and bruises before the next train arrived. Also she missed the live rail (electrified track). Well the men's response seems more than a little extreme but perhaps the experience will teach her not be such a busybody. As far as one can tell from TV images of the station the platform was wide open to the elements so smoking could not really be a problem any more than it would be in Raigmore Hospital car park where smoking is also forbidden.

HACKERS

Gary McKinnon who hacked into US Government computers causing untold damage has lost his appeal against extradition in the House of Lords. He may be sent across the Atlantic quite soon and reports say he could be jailed for up to 60 years. Good. Personally I would be quite happy if all hackers and spammers were dealt with severely and if our police, politicians, and judges refuse to tackle the problem then they should let someone who will take over.

BBC AGAIN

Recently it came to light that the BBC had been faking winners of competitions and other frauds. Viewers sometimes entered competitions which the BBC knew they had no chance of winning. In some cases members of staff posed as "winners" and in other cases names of winners read out on air were fictitious. In one case listeners to a radio programme thought they were responding to a live show when in fact it was pre-recorded. Viewers had been cheated. Ofcom has now imposed a fine of around £400,000 on the BBC. Except of course in reality they have fined the viewing public as the money will doubtless come out of the extortionate license fee that every owner of a TV has to pay. It would have made more sense if the wretched watchdog had ordered an immediate reduction of license fees in the future and possibly a few sackings to boot. I would have thought there were grounds for criminal prosecutions against some individuals but perhaps everyone who works for the BBC belongs to one of the "special" groups that the police are reluctant to tackle.

GLASGOW EAST

So the SNP won the seat much to my delight although I have to say watching TV and seeing their candidate John Mason arrive at the count he seemed a bit of a prat giving victory salutes before the result was announced — there was in fact a recount so he had quite a long wait before it was official. Margaret Curran only has one snout but had she won she would have been able to put it in two troughs as it seems she was unwilling to resign her seat at Holyrood.

CEREDIGION COUNCIL

Thank heavens some councils will stop at nothing to protect the nation's health. Gordon Williams is a painter and decorator who has a van which he uses to take things to work and also for other things. Recently he went on a small errand to buy tea bags. He lit a cigarette and was promptly hauled over the coals by council jobsworths and fined for "smoking in the workplace". Not unreasonably he says that he does not work in his van and it can hardly be classed as a "workplace". This is sort of nonsense which is being funded by the hard-earned council tax of ordinary, decent, working people. If Hitler came back perhaps he could look to Ceredigion council for finding suitable henchpeople.

SPANKING

Some of the press are having a bit of a field day with Max Mosley who is suing News of the World for invasion of privacy. To simplify, it seems a number of women were caned, spanked, disciplined whilst he yelled at them in German. And of course in some minds German = Nazi. It seems all participants were consenting adults so I don't really see the problem. In fact the idea of a bare bottom, knickers pulled down, ready for spanking is quite titillating. And what's wrong with a little role-play? After all it's not unusual for these kind of games to involve pseudo- nurses, pseudo-doctors, pseudo-coppers, pseudo-firemen so why not pseudo-Germans or even, horror of horrors, pseudo-Nazis? I hope Max gets his damages.

BATS IN THE BRA

Just came across a report on the BBC website here in which a teenage girl found a bat in her bra. She removed it. Can this be right? I was under the impression that if you found bats in your attic you had to give them full possession and not disturb them under pain of instant death. The little critters are, like great crested newts, protected. If I find a bat in my knickers can I kill it, defenestrate it, declare it homeless or do I have to keep it warm and cosy forever.